Posted in Book Review, Reading Adventures

March Bookshelf

As always, I’ve let a few spoilers slip in, hopefully nothing too traumatic but oh what a month of reading I’ve had.
I’ve chipped away at the Sapphic Reading Challenge which has been a hoot. I’ve also had some health issues and the mourning of my dear friend, Aarjaun has been a heavy cloud, especially with some of this months books. But, they have also helped me push through the beauty of life, and the need to live, not just exist.

The top contenders for the month:

Alone by E.J Noyes – 5 stars – Oh My Goddess …. What a way to start a month. I listened to this book, ready by Abby Craden and oh my, that was delicious in and of itself. About 2 hours in I had to reprimand myself and say no, I cannot keep stopping the book, and going back to note another beautiful way E.J. Noyes has with her writing. If I kept doing that the entire thing would be written out and I would never get to the end.
It was so beautifully done. The way she uses words is the most delicate and intricate spiders web glistening in the morning sun’s dew. And THEN she goes and throws in this incredible main character who is contradictory and damaged, wonderful and funny. Oh I laughed out loud several times, and chuckled under my breath many more times.
There is so much emphasis on time in this book, and I fell in love with the way the main character, Celeste, talks and experiences her own time, her own world, and what it means.
The pop culture references balance beautifully against the darkness of the experiment, and Celeste’s own memories and hallucinations.
I have more than 30 quotes I keep reading over from this book … but I’m going to end this review with just the one.
πŸ˜‚ Apart from shooting you I’m a regular Mary fucking Poppins.

Third by Q. Kelly – 3 Stars – Overall, I found this book hard to get through. But the premise was intriguing.
Pros: Some lovely writing, and the overall story is an interesting idea of time travel, while also exploring human nature.
Cons: I felt a little like I was being beat over the head with ‘look how cool and how much I know about history’. At times it read more like a thesis or academic research piece, with half hearted sex scenes thrown in.
It might be more interesting to those who know very little about Henry VIII, his reign, and his wives.

The Caphenon by Fletcher DeLancey – 5 stars – I’m in Sci-fi bliss. For me this book was a beautiful mash up of Voyager meets Stargate, with a delicious mix of humour, sexy as characters (who isn’t a sucker for a strong red head), and a storyline that made sleep invalid as a pastime. The authors attention to details was everything. From the use of colours, and oh my the architecture was delightful. The beauty in the descriptions so vivid and real, I wanted to reach out and touch the structures, both natural and industrial. My heart broke with the snippets of everyday life interspersed with the main characters and their storylines. But every character, they were real and tangible. Even ones that didn’t speak, the ones gone after a page. And all the characters with the major roles, personalities are shown in the most subtle but impactful ways. There are so many brilliant sections I was in book hangover for days afterwards. I felt exhausted in the most delightful and beautifully spent way. I read this as an ebook … the paperback is now on it’s way to my hands so I can read it again and again, pour over the words and move on to the rest of the series. I can’t wait.
πŸ‘½ How could aliens she had never met view her as if she had wronged them? They were ready to mete out justice for an offense she hadn’t committed (Ooomph, right to the feels of being the minority and the prevalence of hate crimes in this world)

With Bone and Ash (Anthology) – 4.5 stars – Holy hell … this book has blown me away. I’ve had to take a few days to write this up as I’m still a little book hungover from the amazing worlds and oh my, I was hooked at elemental magic.
Here’s a brief run down of my first impression of each of the 7 stories. I’ve tried desperately not to spoil it because honestly, if you like dark fantasy … you have got to read this.
The spring in the desert by Wynne F. winters – such a brilliant fast paced story. A snap shot in a post apocalyptic world of magic and destruction. I was hooked by the characters and was desperate to know more about them.
Master and apprentice by David green – Ripped out my beating heart and took a bite. Such a powerful look into heartbreak in familial relationships. Shows how that fine line between love and hate cuts far deeper then a known enemy.
The monster of Carroch by Rose Strickman – reminiscent of a retelling of an old story we’ve heard as children of the big bad stealing us from our beds. But such a beautifully written version with its own twists and lores.
Fire and wisdom by Joel R. Hunt – Shut up and take my money. Such a powerful world and even more powerful story. His descriptions are phenomenal and his characters tangible, even the ones with the briefest of page time.
The child of fire by Michael d Nadeau – I love this world and the mythos of the children and the elements. I felt a little rushed in the conclusion, and almost as though the battle could have been harder (I’m a bit of a bully with characters) but I’m really hoping there is more to read from this author set in this incredible world.
What we were made by Crystal Lynn Hilbert – though the begin was a little disorienting being dropped in amidst thoughts with little context my first impressions were of a twisted hansel and Gretel with a taste of words reminiscent of Brian Lumley; spine chillingly beautiful.
The hounds of everspire by T.M Brown – oomph, and what a way to end an incredible collection. I want more of this world that feels almost like a commentary of power in institutions – one of my own personal kryptonites.

Reaping the Benefits by E.J Noyes – 5 stars – While I know the author has said she didn’t write this book as a paranormal romance, I totally see it as one. Or perhaps I’m not really that big a fan of them because this is literally the best paranormal I’ve read. It was delightful. The characters were wonderfully layered, and I mean who doesn’t love death’s minions?! The story was great, and there were moments of such pure beauty in the words and the theme I felt as times almost breathless.
πŸ’š Sometimes I want to remind them that bodies are nothing more than containers to hold all the wonderful stuff that makes up humans.
πŸ’š But thinking someone was cute and had a great personality didn’t mean you couldn’t be frustrated at their inability to deal with something that was a normal oart of life.
The humour as well has me chuckling to myself.
πŸ“‡ Morgan’s gaze snapped back down to her desk, yes very busy and important in my office doing ordinary everyday data storage things that a human would do.

London Calling by Clare Lydon – 4 stars – Book 1 of Clare Lydon’s London series. Whenever I pick up a Clare Lydon book I know I’m going to get a contemporary light read. And London Calling is no exception. I loved the comparisons and contrasts the main character experiences as she travels from Sydney Australia to start her life anew, back home in London. Jess loves the concrete jungle and the use of description is wonderful. A great exploration of failing and catching yourself again. Of moving on and embracing new steps forward, pivoting on her projectory of life and enjoying it. And, oh who can forget the joys and funs of family dynamics.
🚎 We exchanged the lesbian look-it’s a bit like when bus drivers acknowledge each other, albeit with fewer buses. (LOL)
🀣 Thank you Jesus, even though I believe you to be a mythical character *coffee was spat*
πŸ“ž I shrugged, always effective in a phone call.
πŸ’š Goddam my romance tourette’s.

Written in the Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur – 5 stars – The start made me laugh so hard, and then the humour and then some just kept on going. Laughing and heartbreak waltz around hand in hand. Elle is a great example of those that struggle to stand up and be who she is, and embrace what makes her happy. A beautiful conversation with her mother near the end of the book nearly had me in tears.
I loved the characters and the dynamics and juxtapositions of their personalities shown wonderfully through things like the apartments and their clothes. I also smiled at all of the zodiac lists. They made me smile and often laugh out loud as the author uses these as fantastic conversational points with the characters throughout.
Some of my favourite quotes:
🀣 God pretty people made her stupid
πŸ’š Elle was technicolored chaos
πŸ˜‚ Brandon was getting fucking socks for Christmas. Boring, black, argyle ones.

This London Love by Clare Lydon – 4 Stars – Book 2 of the London series. It ticks all the boxes I look for when wanting a funny Lesfic romance, with at least one of the characters carrying quirks and humour that makes me smile while I flick the pages. Humour is always wonderfully rife in Lydon’s books and I truly love it. If you are looking for love and humour, this series so far is giving both on silver platters. And trust Lydon to take a funeral and turn it into a chance for love. I found it interesting her characters prejudice against lesbian florists .. I might have called out several times (scaring the dog) that she needed to watch ‘Imagine me & you* … because the characters are real and while you read them they can definitely hear your interactions.
πŸ₯ͺ Sometimes food didn’t need to be fancy, it just needed to be exactly what you wanted.

Let me know if you had a favourite read of the month.

Be Safe
Be Kind
Be Brave

Posted in Life Adventures

Attacked from the Inside (Living with Endometriosis)

I had a recent reminder that March is Endometriosis awareness month. So here is a blog I wrote back in 2019.

It’s hard to describe with any kind of accuracy.

I want to say it’s like a stone, strapped on to your back. That every month I feel as though I am Atlas struggling to hold up the Earth, but instead of it being strapped on my shoulders, it is inside me pushing against my blood and bones trying to force it’s way back to its intended/original size. But even that is not entirely accurate.
Below is what some months feel like (Almost all months now):

Even that can’t truly explain the pain that often seizes my body. What no image or gif can ever explain or convey is the fear of breathing. With every single breath, this world of pain throbs and beats itself against me. So I take shallow breaths. I try not to move, HA! explain that to a toddler (now energized 4 year old). It presses against my back in alternating sporadic rhythms of sharp and ache, making my body jerk and shudder.
I force myself to live as though the pain isn’t there. And at times I can fool onlookers. I can even start to fool myself with enough distraction … some minutes.
But then there I am, curled up on the nearest surface, be it bed, couch, floor, anything will do. My fists clench around and twist any material, stuffed animal, my sons sicky rag, all to try and wade through the latest burst of agony.

This is just a glimpse of my life with Endometriosis.

Since the age of eleven when I ‘became a woman’ – what a stupid fucking expression that is – I have suffered this debilitating pain. I was not allowed to wallow in it. Three sisters before me managed to tough it out, there was no getting out of school or work. So, I drugged myself up every single month, feeling less like myself, feeling like an alien inside my own body, and lying when asked if the pain killers helped.

When I had my son, I had that beautiful blossom of hope, that I would be cured of this diabolic demon, and the first few months I was lulled into a false sense of promise. It was bliss and I thought … ‘oh yes, thank you Gaia.’. Turns out she doesn’t have all that much to do with it and those months of bliss weren’t just a tease but a cruel trick, to show me what my body should have been able to do.
Since then teh pain grows worse each month (yep, still getting worse) and I am loaded up on drugs, feel detached from everything and hug wheat bags as though they hold the miracle of life itself.

To anyone who suffers from endometriosis – I believe you, and I’m sorry you are suffering through this.
To anyone who hears someone say they suffer from endometriosis – believe them when they say it hurts. Help them when they have tears in their eyes and are trying desperately to continue as though it doesn’t (if you don’t know how to help, ask them what they need, because what works for one may not work for another. Don’t tell them they ‘need’ or ‘should’ do anything you know has worked for someone else. They may have already tried with different degrees of success and failure.

It’s a horrible invisible pain to go through and the lack of definitive knowledge and not being believed can be just as debilitating as the pain itself.


Be Safe
Be Brave
Be Kind

Posted in Life Adventures, Writing Adventures

Queer Imposter Syndrome: Some Candid Openness

I recently read an article/blog about Impostor Syndrome relating directly to being queer, and OOMPH how it hit right in the feels. You can find the article here.

I have written a few blogs in my past life (a.k.a. pre this blog and my website) about the struggles I have had at feeling like I belong in the LGBTQIA+ community. But reading this article I thought hey, why not go a little into the human side of this writer (me, just to clarify) and maybe it might help some of you wonderful readers.

I came out pretty early, considering I was from a small country town and dragged up Mormon. But my mum is just the best. She came into my room when I was sixteen while I was singing along to Melissa Etheridge’s ‘Mama I’m strange’ and she took the hint. Once she told me her love was unconditional and though she might struggle at times, that love is love *paraphrasing, but you get the point* it was as though the world had been opened. My mum had accepted me, so how could anyone else hurt me if they were to reject who I was?

Hmmm … well the world changes and shifts … and mine certainly did.

My partner of several years (whom I married before gay marriage was legal – we should do the legal thing one of these days) realized he was not female, despite the limits of his birth. I have been reviled as either ‘not a real lesbian’ and ‘transphobic’ for either not having left my partner and/or not changing my sexuality because of my partner’s transition.

For a long time, I pulled away from the community as a whole. Every attack or snide comment would make me shrivel more and more inside myself. I even stopped writing characters I love and adore. I ignored the characters that kept knocking and begging to have their stories told. One of the main reasons I started writing was to give those characters a voice, to create the stories I could never find when I was growing up. All for fear of rejection, for fear of crumpling against the rage people have toward those that don’t fit into the categories as they define them.

And then I began to find incredible people, incredible authors and wonderful friends both in the writing community and LGBTQIA community. It’s revived my strength to be brave and to get that tougher skin. That doesn’t mean that I don’t worry, or have the dreaded Queer Impostor Syndrome raise it’s head and sneer at me. But I solidify myself in knowing, not everyone is so rigid in their definitions.

I remember, only a year or two ago listening to the very first episode of Lesbians Who Write and bursting into tears. In an overwhelmingly good way. Clare Lydon and T.B. Markinson both talked about how ANYONE can write lesbian fiction. No matter how one defines themselves. I braved up and wrote in, and several episodes later they discussed my email and again, the tears. Because their support was vocal and absolute. So, whenever I start to worry, I re-listen to that episode. Since then I have also had wonderful support (knowingly and unknowingly) from people in the community who stand up for my rights to define myself by MY sexuality, not the gender of my partner or a definition that I do not ascribe to.

So, if you are reading this and feeling like you aren’t ‘Queer Enough’ or enough in any terms that define yourself I’m here to tell you, you are! If you feel you need that clarification, that permission from an outsider that you are enough to be allowed to define who you are anyway you choose … you have permission.

Be Safe
Be Kind
Be Brave

Posted in Life Adventures

Women I admire – the list is endless

There are so many women I admire. So many that have offered me strength and shown me ways to navigate this world. The list grows each and every year as I meet incredible women. I wish I could list them all, but really it’s an endless list. Of friends, family, and strangers.

Here are just a few of the many women I’d love to give a shout out to, they have been vital and influential in my life:

My sister – Sue. She is my best friend, my first reader, my strength, and my role model. Without my sister I would not in any way be the person I am now, and I can honestly say I am proud of who I am, and who I continue to grow and learn to be.

Pamela Jeffs – An incredible friend whom I met after fangirling over her work and then having her show up to out local writing group … I feel so privileged and honoured to call her a friend and mentor. Check out her incredible talent here.

Pamela Jeffs

Sarah Vogler – I met Sarah before the world went crazy. We were both volunteers at Oz Comicon and I met this incredible person, who turned out to be an even more incredible author … and a great friend. Her Middle grade series Poseidon’s Academy is one of the best series I’ve read. It’s so fun and exciting. I can’t wait for the fifth book. Check out all about Sarah here.

Sarah Vogler

I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention Aiki Flinthart. The world lost an incredible human being in her passing in January. But, she continues to inspire and motivate. Her light continues to shine, and her kindness and talent will never be forgotten.

Myself with the wonderful and much missed Aiki Flinthart

Thank you to all the wonderful friends I have found in the women I am so lucky to be surrounded by. Thank you to all of those who have reached out, who have laughed, who have listened, who have led the way in order to help me become strong, to become someone I can be proud of.

Be Safe
Be Kind
Be Brave