Posted in Book Review, Reading Adventures

March Bookshelf

As always, I’ve let a few spoilers slip in, hopefully nothing too traumatic but oh what a month of reading I’ve had.
I’ve chipped away at the Sapphic Reading Challenge which has been a hoot. I’ve also had some health issues and the mourning of my dear friend, Aarjaun has been a heavy cloud, especially with some of this months books. But, they have also helped me push through the beauty of life, and the need to live, not just exist.

The top contenders for the month:

Alone by E.J Noyes – 5 stars – Oh My Goddess …. What a way to start a month. I listened to this book, ready by Abby Craden and oh my, that was delicious in and of itself. About 2 hours in I had to reprimand myself and say no, I cannot keep stopping the book, and going back to note another beautiful way E.J. Noyes has with her writing. If I kept doing that the entire thing would be written out and I would never get to the end.
It was so beautifully done. The way she uses words is the most delicate and intricate spiders web glistening in the morning sun’s dew. And THEN she goes and throws in this incredible main character who is contradictory and damaged, wonderful and funny. Oh I laughed out loud several times, and chuckled under my breath many more times.
There is so much emphasis on time in this book, and I fell in love with the way the main character, Celeste, talks and experiences her own time, her own world, and what it means.
The pop culture references balance beautifully against the darkness of the experiment, and Celeste’s own memories and hallucinations.
I have more than 30 quotes I keep reading over from this book … but I’m going to end this review with just the one.
😂 Apart from shooting you I’m a regular Mary fucking Poppins.

Third by Q. Kelly – 3 Stars – Overall, I found this book hard to get through. But the premise was intriguing.
Pros: Some lovely writing, and the overall story is an interesting idea of time travel, while also exploring human nature.
Cons: I felt a little like I was being beat over the head with ‘look how cool and how much I know about history’. At times it read more like a thesis or academic research piece, with half hearted sex scenes thrown in.
It might be more interesting to those who know very little about Henry VIII, his reign, and his wives.

The Caphenon by Fletcher DeLancey – 5 stars – I’m in Sci-fi bliss. For me this book was a beautiful mash up of Voyager meets Stargate, with a delicious mix of humour, sexy as characters (who isn’t a sucker for a strong red head), and a storyline that made sleep invalid as a pastime. The authors attention to details was everything. From the use of colours, and oh my the architecture was delightful. The beauty in the descriptions so vivid and real, I wanted to reach out and touch the structures, both natural and industrial. My heart broke with the snippets of everyday life interspersed with the main characters and their storylines. But every character, they were real and tangible. Even ones that didn’t speak, the ones gone after a page. And all the characters with the major roles, personalities are shown in the most subtle but impactful ways. There are so many brilliant sections I was in book hangover for days afterwards. I felt exhausted in the most delightful and beautifully spent way. I read this as an ebook … the paperback is now on it’s way to my hands so I can read it again and again, pour over the words and move on to the rest of the series. I can’t wait.
👽 How could aliens she had never met view her as if she had wronged them? They were ready to mete out justice for an offense she hadn’t committed (Ooomph, right to the feels of being the minority and the prevalence of hate crimes in this world)

With Bone and Ash (Anthology) – 4.5 stars – Holy hell … this book has blown me away. I’ve had to take a few days to write this up as I’m still a little book hungover from the amazing worlds and oh my, I was hooked at elemental magic.
Here’s a brief run down of my first impression of each of the 7 stories. I’ve tried desperately not to spoil it because honestly, if you like dark fantasy … you have got to read this.
The spring in the desert by Wynne F. winters – such a brilliant fast paced story. A snap shot in a post apocalyptic world of magic and destruction. I was hooked by the characters and was desperate to know more about them.
Master and apprentice by David green – Ripped out my beating heart and took a bite. Such a powerful look into heartbreak in familial relationships. Shows how that fine line between love and hate cuts far deeper then a known enemy.
The monster of Carroch by Rose Strickman – reminiscent of a retelling of an old story we’ve heard as children of the big bad stealing us from our beds. But such a beautifully written version with its own twists and lores.
Fire and wisdom by Joel R. Hunt – Shut up and take my money. Such a powerful world and even more powerful story. His descriptions are phenomenal and his characters tangible, even the ones with the briefest of page time.
The child of fire by Michael d Nadeau – I love this world and the mythos of the children and the elements. I felt a little rushed in the conclusion, and almost as though the battle could have been harder (I’m a bit of a bully with characters) but I’m really hoping there is more to read from this author set in this incredible world.
What we were made by Crystal Lynn Hilbert – though the begin was a little disorienting being dropped in amidst thoughts with little context my first impressions were of a twisted hansel and Gretel with a taste of words reminiscent of Brian Lumley; spine chillingly beautiful.
The hounds of everspire by T.M Brown – oomph, and what a way to end an incredible collection. I want more of this world that feels almost like a commentary of power in institutions – one of my own personal kryptonites.

Reaping the Benefits by E.J Noyes – 5 stars – While I know the author has said she didn’t write this book as a paranormal romance, I totally see it as one. Or perhaps I’m not really that big a fan of them because this is literally the best paranormal I’ve read. It was delightful. The characters were wonderfully layered, and I mean who doesn’t love death’s minions?! The story was great, and there were moments of such pure beauty in the words and the theme I felt as times almost breathless.
💚 Sometimes I want to remind them that bodies are nothing more than containers to hold all the wonderful stuff that makes up humans.
💚 But thinking someone was cute and had a great personality didn’t mean you couldn’t be frustrated at their inability to deal with something that was a normal oart of life.
The humour as well has me chuckling to myself.
📇 Morgan’s gaze snapped back down to her desk, yes very busy and important in my office doing ordinary everyday data storage things that a human would do.

London Calling by Clare Lydon – 4 stars – Book 1 of Clare Lydon’s London series. Whenever I pick up a Clare Lydon book I know I’m going to get a contemporary light read. And London Calling is no exception. I loved the comparisons and contrasts the main character experiences as she travels from Sydney Australia to start her life anew, back home in London. Jess loves the concrete jungle and the use of description is wonderful. A great exploration of failing and catching yourself again. Of moving on and embracing new steps forward, pivoting on her projectory of life and enjoying it. And, oh who can forget the joys and funs of family dynamics.
🚎 We exchanged the lesbian look-it’s a bit like when bus drivers acknowledge each other, albeit with fewer buses. (LOL)
🤣 Thank you Jesus, even though I believe you to be a mythical character *coffee was spat*
📞 I shrugged, always effective in a phone call.
💚 Goddam my romance tourette’s.

Written in the Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur – 5 stars – The start made me laugh so hard, and then the humour and then some just kept on going. Laughing and heartbreak waltz around hand in hand. Elle is a great example of those that struggle to stand up and be who she is, and embrace what makes her happy. A beautiful conversation with her mother near the end of the book nearly had me in tears.
I loved the characters and the dynamics and juxtapositions of their personalities shown wonderfully through things like the apartments and their clothes. I also smiled at all of the zodiac lists. They made me smile and often laugh out loud as the author uses these as fantastic conversational points with the characters throughout.
Some of my favourite quotes:
🤣 God pretty people made her stupid
💚 Elle was technicolored chaos
😂 Brandon was getting fucking socks for Christmas. Boring, black, argyle ones.

This London Love by Clare Lydon – 4 Stars – Book 2 of the London series. It ticks all the boxes I look for when wanting a funny Lesfic romance, with at least one of the characters carrying quirks and humour that makes me smile while I flick the pages. Humour is always wonderfully rife in Lydon’s books and I truly love it. If you are looking for love and humour, this series so far is giving both on silver platters. And trust Lydon to take a funeral and turn it into a chance for love. I found it interesting her characters prejudice against lesbian florists .. I might have called out several times (scaring the dog) that she needed to watch ‘Imagine me & you* … because the characters are real and while you read them they can definitely hear your interactions.
🥪 Sometimes food didn’t need to be fancy, it just needed to be exactly what you wanted.

Let me know if you had a favourite read of the month.

Be Safe
Be Kind
Be Brave

Posted in Life Adventures

Attacked from the Inside (Living with Endometriosis)

I had a recent reminder that March is Endometriosis awareness month. So here is a blog I wrote back in 2019.

It’s hard to describe with any kind of accuracy.

I want to say it’s like a stone, strapped on to your back. That every month I feel as though I am Atlas struggling to hold up the Earth, but instead of it being strapped on my shoulders, it is inside me pushing against my blood and bones trying to force it’s way back to its intended/original size. But even that is not entirely accurate.
Below is what some months feel like (Almost all months now):

Even that can’t truly explain the pain that often seizes my body. What no image or gif can ever explain or convey is the fear of breathing. With every single breath, this world of pain throbs and beats itself against me. So I take shallow breaths. I try not to move, HA! explain that to a toddler (now energized 4 year old). It presses against my back in alternating sporadic rhythms of sharp and ache, making my body jerk and shudder.
I force myself to live as though the pain isn’t there. And at times I can fool onlookers. I can even start to fool myself with enough distraction … some minutes.
But then there I am, curled up on the nearest surface, be it bed, couch, floor, anything will do. My fists clench around and twist any material, stuffed animal, my sons sicky rag, all to try and wade through the latest burst of agony.

This is just a glimpse of my life with Endometriosis.

Since the age of eleven when I ‘became a woman’ – what a stupid fucking expression that is – I have suffered this debilitating pain. I was not allowed to wallow in it. Three sisters before me managed to tough it out, there was no getting out of school or work. So, I drugged myself up every single month, feeling less like myself, feeling like an alien inside my own body, and lying when asked if the pain killers helped.

When I had my son, I had that beautiful blossom of hope, that I would be cured of this diabolic demon, and the first few months I was lulled into a false sense of promise. It was bliss and I thought … ‘oh yes, thank you Gaia.’. Turns out she doesn’t have all that much to do with it and those months of bliss weren’t just a tease but a cruel trick, to show me what my body should have been able to do.
Since then teh pain grows worse each month (yep, still getting worse) and I am loaded up on drugs, feel detached from everything and hug wheat bags as though they hold the miracle of life itself.

To anyone who suffers from endometriosis – I believe you, and I’m sorry you are suffering through this.
To anyone who hears someone say they suffer from endometriosis – believe them when they say it hurts. Help them when they have tears in their eyes and are trying desperately to continue as though it doesn’t (if you don’t know how to help, ask them what they need, because what works for one may not work for another. Don’t tell them they ‘need’ or ‘should’ do anything you know has worked for someone else. They may have already tried with different degrees of success and failure.

It’s a horrible invisible pain to go through and the lack of definitive knowledge and not being believed can be just as debilitating as the pain itself.


Be Safe
Be Brave
Be Kind

Posted in Life Adventures, Writing Adventures

Queer Imposter Syndrome: Some Candid Openness

I recently read an article/blog about Impostor Syndrome relating directly to being queer, and OOMPH how it hit right in the feels. You can find the article here.

I have written a few blogs in my past life (a.k.a. pre this blog and my website) about the struggles I have had at feeling like I belong in the LGBTQIA+ community. But reading this article I thought hey, why not go a little into the human side of this writer (me, just to clarify) and maybe it might help some of you wonderful readers.

I came out pretty early, considering I was from a small country town and dragged up Mormon. But my mum is just the best. She came into my room when I was sixteen while I was singing along to Melissa Etheridge’s ‘Mama I’m strange’ and she took the hint. Once she told me her love was unconditional and though she might struggle at times, that love is love *paraphrasing, but you get the point* it was as though the world had been opened. My mum had accepted me, so how could anyone else hurt me if they were to reject who I was?

Hmmm … well the world changes and shifts … and mine certainly did.

My partner of several years (whom I married before gay marriage was legal – we should do the legal thing one of these days) realized he was not female, despite the limits of his birth. I have been reviled as either ‘not a real lesbian’ and ‘transphobic’ for either not having left my partner and/or not changing my sexuality because of my partner’s transition.

For a long time, I pulled away from the community as a whole. Every attack or snide comment would make me shrivel more and more inside myself. I even stopped writing characters I love and adore. I ignored the characters that kept knocking and begging to have their stories told. One of the main reasons I started writing was to give those characters a voice, to create the stories I could never find when I was growing up. All for fear of rejection, for fear of crumpling against the rage people have toward those that don’t fit into the categories as they define them.

And then I began to find incredible people, incredible authors and wonderful friends both in the writing community and LGBTQIA community. It’s revived my strength to be brave and to get that tougher skin. That doesn’t mean that I don’t worry, or have the dreaded Queer Impostor Syndrome raise it’s head and sneer at me. But I solidify myself in knowing, not everyone is so rigid in their definitions.

I remember, only a year or two ago listening to the very first episode of Lesbians Who Write and bursting into tears. In an overwhelmingly good way. Clare Lydon and T.B. Markinson both talked about how ANYONE can write lesbian fiction. No matter how one defines themselves. I braved up and wrote in, and several episodes later they discussed my email and again, the tears. Because their support was vocal and absolute. So, whenever I start to worry, I re-listen to that episode. Since then I have also had wonderful support (knowingly and unknowingly) from people in the community who stand up for my rights to define myself by MY sexuality, not the gender of my partner or a definition that I do not ascribe to.

So, if you are reading this and feeling like you aren’t ‘Queer Enough’ or enough in any terms that define yourself I’m here to tell you, you are! If you feel you need that clarification, that permission from an outsider that you are enough to be allowed to define who you are anyway you choose … you have permission.

Be Safe
Be Kind
Be Brave

Posted in Life Adventures

Women I admire – the list is endless

There are so many women I admire. So many that have offered me strength and shown me ways to navigate this world. The list grows each and every year as I meet incredible women. I wish I could list them all, but really it’s an endless list. Of friends, family, and strangers.

Here are just a few of the many women I’d love to give a shout out to, they have been vital and influential in my life:

My sister – Sue. She is my best friend, my first reader, my strength, and my role model. Without my sister I would not in any way be the person I am now, and I can honestly say I am proud of who I am, and who I continue to grow and learn to be.

Pamela Jeffs – An incredible friend whom I met after fangirling over her work and then having her show up to out local writing group … I feel so privileged and honoured to call her a friend and mentor. Check out her incredible talent here.

Pamela Jeffs

Sarah Vogler – I met Sarah before the world went crazy. We were both volunteers at Oz Comicon and I met this incredible person, who turned out to be an even more incredible author … and a great friend. Her Middle grade series Poseidon’s Academy is one of the best series I’ve read. It’s so fun and exciting. I can’t wait for the fifth book. Check out all about Sarah here.

Sarah Vogler

I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention Aiki Flinthart. The world lost an incredible human being in her passing in January. But, she continues to inspire and motivate. Her light continues to shine, and her kindness and talent will never be forgotten.

Myself with the wonderful and much missed Aiki Flinthart

Thank you to all the wonderful friends I have found in the women I am so lucky to be surrounded by. Thank you to all of those who have reached out, who have laughed, who have listened, who have led the way in order to help me become strong, to become someone I can be proud of.

Be Safe
Be Kind
Be Brave

Posted in Book Review, Reading Adventures

February Reviews

A short month but so many great reads, ranging from Lesfic sci-fi and romance, urban fantasy, short reads, and even a wonderful middle grade book thrown in there. As always, there are minor spoilers throughout … mostly in the form of quotes.

Top contenders for favourite read of the month

The Blood Countess by Tara Moss – 4 stars – A well written book, with some great description and intrigue. I love Moss’s attention and detail to clothing and colours. I would imagine it is one of her own personal interests, as this is one of several books I’ve read of hers that has such detail, love, and care for clothing. It seeps into the words and it’s beautiful.
My only real issues for the book are the continuity issue which I kept waiting to be resolved but which wasn’t, and at times the main characters lack of intelligence and continued denial about her gifts.
I loved all the references to ancient mythology. I also found I laughed out loud with some of Pandora’s internal monologue.
🗿 This woman was Medusa, and could turn me to stone if I met her eyes

Finding Forever (Your Way #3) by Jamey Moody – 3.5 Stars – The third book in the series, but definitely able to be read and enjoyed on it’s own. Nice, easy to read writing with lots of fun activities and adventures with the two main characters. I am not the biggest of sappy readers, and this was one romantic sappy book. It works perfectly for what it is and Moody has done a great job of bringing the feels.
The beginning was a little difficult to figure out who was who as it’s such a full cast. But I really enjoyed the minor characters, and knowing they are the main characters of the first two books, this would probably not be an issue if read in order of the series.
The sex scenes … I didn’t feel as though all of them were actually necessary to be put in with such detail. A few could have been a fade to black/close the door as they didn’t progress characterization or story, except to show the characters in high honeymoon relationship stage.

Summer Brook Spring by Lynne Lumsden Green – 5 stars – what a purely delightful book about an 11 year old who has to move from England to Rural Australia. I adored the way the authentic view of Australia and it’s landscape and hardships wrapped around me like a familiar blanket. Not only is the landscape beautiful, the writing is rich in description and emotion. The view point of Freya was so spot on and memories from my own child hood flooded back from her perspective and way of seeing the world around her.
👩 Emma Lloyd was a gold and brown girl; she had tanned skin and long hair bleached by the sun.
🐄 A few dozen caramel-coloured cows, with a sprinkling of black-and-white cows among them.
🍳She felt like she was dipping her toast soldiers into liquid sunshine
I can’t wait to read more of these books and am eager to see what other hobby farm adventures the Freya and Emma get up to.

Those Who Wait by Haley Cass – 5 Stars – I get it, I now understand why so many people have talked about and recommended this book. It is fabulous. It took me a few days to write this because I had to try and get my thoughts together so it wasn’t simply a rush of words. I’ve at least tried to explain a little of why this is so far THE BOOK of 2021 for me.
The story – It is truly captivating. Each step as things progress I felt my heart catch in my throat, and while you think you know what will happen, you just aren’t 100% sure. And for a romance, that’s a feat in and of itself.
The characters – I adore both of the main characters. And what’s better is that the minor characters also made their way in to my affections.
The Sex – Cold showers and strong fans are a definite must while reading this book. I have read (and written) quite a few (read – a LOT) of sex scenes .. but these ones (yes plural) were phenomenal. Each had a purpose and pushed the overall narrative forward.
The writing – Rich emotive words and internal dialogue. For all the romances I have read, this is the FIRST that has ever brought me to tears. I can feel the emotions of books, but I rarely find myself in tears. I was sobbing at one point in this book and was so utterly stunned. But the power and passion, it was tangible.

The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker – 5 stars – Such a master of the twisted horror. This story is brilliant. If you’ve ever seen or heard of Even though it’s quite old now it still managed to get my heart racing. It was such a brilliant experience getting to listen to it read by Clive himself. The amount of times I stopped it to capture his way of describing the scene or the emotions left me with a huge list of quotable lines. But here are just a few of my top favourites.
🩸Wore it’s frayed nerve on it’s bleeding sleeves
⚰️ If nothing was worth living for it followed didn’t it, that there was nothing worth dying for either.
📞 The line was watery as though the deluge outside has seeped down the phone.

The Monarch of the Glen by Neil Gaiman – 5 stars – A fun beautifully written short adventure. It’s two years after American Gods and Shadow finds himself hired as a body guard, but not is it all as it seems, which surprises no one, least of all Shadow. Brilliant use of words and myths, from the talented Mr Neil Gaiman.
🤍 He told himself sometimes, he did not care if he ever went back, and sometimes he almost came close to believing himself.

Wherever You Go by Monique Mulligan – 5 stars. First a confession. I did 3 false starts of this book before I finally gave in and began it properly. It wasn’t the writing, most definitely not. It was the heartbreak you could feel from the very first chapter. Once I finally gave into the heartbreak properly, I couldn’t put it down. The writing is truly masterful. I have notes scrawled in margins and favourite lines highlighted. And the way she uses the power of her words to layer emotions in each page is incredible. The characters, from Mat and Amy, Nick and Devi, Frank, June, Irene, Bonnie, and Ashlee. You can see them, hear them and wish you we’re friends with them. Even Una and Sharon. Ok maybe not friends with them, but oh we’ve all known them. All these characters have the same things in common. They are layered and beautiful, complicated and human. Reading this book also made my mouth water and a desire to learn to cook. But let’s be honest, I’m definitely more like Frank. But this book is definitely one hell of a foodies dream. A wonderful journey into grief and trauma, paced perfectly with love and laughter.

The Lily and the Crown by Roslyn Sinclair – 5 stars – I am unashamedly in love with both of the main characters in this story. For such extremely different reasons, but love all the same. Of course, I could only dream about being as powerful and confident, and shiver down the spine as Assistant, though I saw many familiar traits in the effervescent, socially awkward, blurter of thoughts, and moral Ariana. There is everything brilliant and beautiful in this story. It’s so much fun getting to read all the genres I grew up devouring, but now with main characters I can relate to and fall in love with. Sinclair’s descriptions and world building is fantastic, while I definitely got all the feels most often in magnificently worded internal thoughts of Ariana.
😜 More often than not it led to very enjoyable shenanigans (I’m giggling again)
🦹‍♀️ She should wonder if Mir wasn’t a creature out of ancient lore, a powerful spirit that descended onto mortals and whisked them away to another world. (How magical is this wording, and the emotions and images it creates).
I highly recommend giving this book a go, and if you feel brave enough try Angela Dawe’s narration … but be advised, do not operate heavy machinery while listening … specifically to some truly delectable sex scenes.

The Princess and the Fangirl by Ashely Poston – 4 stars – I don’t tend to read a lot of YA fiction. Especially contemporary. The few YA fiction that I adore have been Speculative Fiction. In saying that, there were so many references to cult classics and the world of gaming, tv shows, movies, and the like that I often forgot it was set in a contemporary world.
My biggest issue with the book is that it was a little frustrating. The author included a Lesbian romance parrallel to a heterosexual one, which was awesome. However, I felt like I really wanted the bravery of the character to also be reflected in the book. I would have loved to have two lesbian romances, or for the perspectives to be solely on the two lesbian characters. Instead it felt more focused on the heterosexual character and her romantic (mis)adventures, while not pushing or embrace enough bravery to have solely a lesbian geek story.
Overall I did enjoy this book. Poston has the quirkiest, cutest way of writing, mixed with some of the sweetest and soppiest heart thoughts.
🐈 I am a ball of anxious wet cats
🔪 I unlatch the door and peek through the peephole, but someone has their finger blocking it. Because that isn’t murdery at all. I’m going to die.
🦠 He says the last bit slowly, oily, and a tremble races down my spine.
🧠 Brain, you have failed me for the last time.
👄 There’s adventure tucked into the corner of her mouth.
🕳 She is curious, and I am Alice falling into the rabbit hole.
🔑 Oh sweet baby Daleks
🗡 I am not a princess waiting to be saved, I will do my own saving.
💋 She kisses me and the world is too small and my skin is too tight and the universe is impossible.
(ok I’ll stop now but know, there are about three times this list again highlighted from this deliciously quotable book)
Princess was a fun trip doing my own geek and nerdy days. There are so many scenes in this book that I found myself nodding and smiling at, remembering the feel and energy of con days before the state of the world took them away. It’s definitely made me yearn for when we can go back to sci-fi and pop culture conventions.

The Spider Goddess by Tara Moss – 4.5 stars – I really enjoyed this read, even more than the first of the series. I feel like Pandora English is really coming into herself. I know it’s called the spider goddess but eeeewww yep shivered with the sensation of hairy legs crawling up my spine several times through out the book. So kudos to Tara Moss for getting that spot on. The book answers some of the things left hanging in the first book, and reminds you of some of the overall questions that are being set up to be answered in later books in the series (I hope). The writing is brilliant, beautiful words of description and humour, and the story was easy and fast paced. You didn’t have time to stop and wonder why Pandora didn’t just do x, y, or z. And her confidence and internal snark is definitely becoming more entertaining, the character in general more likable. I love all the pop references mixed in with ancient mythology, and who wouldn’t love a relative like Pandora’s Great Aunt Cecilia.
🕺Danced awkwardly about the workshop, like Mick Jagger on bad acid.
📖 Just because it’s in a book doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
🧛‍♀️ There was nothing quite like the ennui of a depressed young vampire
👩‍🎓 The philosophers and thinkers of this age have thrown out spiritiualism with religion. They believe in chaos, chance, happenstance. You would do well to unlearn those ideas.
🕷 I could feel the paralysis of her spider kiss.

The Reckoning by Stephanie Scissom – 5 stars – A short read that throws you in from the start.

My favourite quote from The Reckoning

A mystery ghost story reminiscent of those stories you pretended didn’t raise goosebumps on the back of your neck. Well worth the read.

Was a surprisingly long list for such a short and busy month. But I really enjoyed the reads.

Be Safe
Be Brave
Be Kind

Posted in Life Adventures, Reading Adventures

When Reading Inspires Nostalgia

I recently finished a Young Adult book centered around the four days of a ‘geek convention’. If I had found this book while I was a young adult. I would have read it to spine breaking, pages falling out addiction. As an adult, in a world more open then it had been when I was an adolescent, I want more of the second subplot which is the one I needed and the one I can and would have related to. But it was enough to send my thoughts back.

Yesterday, while still at home with a not quite healthy enough for Kindy 4 year old I felt myself slip into nostalgia.

Naturally for me, this presented itself through music. I have very limited (read: none whatsoever) musical skills myself, but oh how it saved me time and time again throughout my adolescence.

Some things I’m being reminded of once again about younger me (there have been some laughing eye rolls and facepalms)

Most iconic musicians from my adolescence … they are so young here lol

1. I was not a subtle teenager. I really never did see the point of subtly. Definitely not when it came to my own thoughts and feelings. I look back and think well dah! Did you really think no one knew? Which makes it so understandable the ease of my coming out – maybe not so much the acceptance later but definitely the coming out – which may or may not be a story for another time.

2. It never dawned on me during this whole unsubtle expression of myself that it was brave. I just never thought about the option of hiding myself, even to the point of my own detriment.

3. I was always in love with the story teller and the worlds they weaved. Others may know the instruments and the keys. Heck, my partner could listen to instrumentals all day and be happy. Me, I always needed the story, the words to help define the whirlwind of contradictions swirling inside my chest and my head.

So of course, in true 90’s adolescent fashion, I’ve begun a playlist of some of the most important songs that I listened to until I stretched out the tapes and scratched the CDs.

What do you most think about when you listen to music? Do you have other things that send you tumbling back in time? I’d love to know.

Be Safe
Be Brave
Be Kind

Posted in Australia, Life Adventures, Writing Adventures

My Pros and Cons of being an Introverted Writer

You may or may not know this, but writer’s, predominantly, are introverts. It might be hard to believe if you’ve ever walked past a group of writers who are chatting excitedly, laughing, and beaming like different versions of the joker. You might even have seen online versions of these gatherings (usually written in comments where the banter comes out). Or perhaps you know some of the more extroverted authors … they aren’t myths, I know right!? But I promise you, I have friends who fit this category. When I first met them, it took awhile to lift my jaw from the floor and stop staring wondering if everyone else saw them. Was it true, they actually got recharged from other people? But as time moved on, I came to realise they are just as awesome.

I however, am NOT one of those extroverted authors. It’s true, I can be loud and chatty and even outgoing, usually around other authors. We tend to bring it out in each other, as we talk about shared passions and projects with people who just get it. But this does not automatically equate to introvert or extrovert. I learnt very young how to mingle and do the small talk thing. BUT,
do I like it? No.
Does it recharge me? No.
Do I need a plethora of alone time to recharge after a social engagement? Oh yes indeed.

For an author, this can be troublesome, to say the least. Not everything may relate to every author, or even every introverted author, but here are my latest struggles with being an introverted author:

  1. Being extroverted does tend to be the more accepted way of being in the overall society I live in. It is the skill set that people are expected to work toward, to attain.
    Example: Being quiet at a gathering you may have heard or even said something like this in the hopes of making someone feel more comfortable. It’s a really sweet sentiment … ‘It’s ok, you don’t have to be shy, we won’t bite.’ … the problem is, I am often happy just watching. I’m not being shy, I’m just being me. (creepy undertones of people watching may or may not be present). This does also implies that there is something wrong with being shy, and perhaps even that I might be the one to bite … 😉 ok, that last bit might just be me enjoying the quirk a little (horror and dark fantasy author after all). This is not to say that extroverts aren’t great to have around, or quite wonderful people. Without many of the extroverts, it might end up being quite the quiet party (secretly hopes I can pull my book out of my bag and read without weird looks). But it is something I overthink and worry about when I leave a gathering. Was I being too quiet again? Was I enjoying people watching just a little too much? Or worse, was I awkwardly trying to add to conversations that ended up killing them.
  2. I want people to read my writing. I want to be a known author, even in the smallest of spheres. Why is this a problem? Because to become known, most of the time you have to put yourself out there. And I tell you, I have been putting myself out there a lot lately. And while I’m going slow, enjoying small groups, and baby steps that don’t freak me out too much. Any growth, any spike in attention both excites and downright terrifies me. Conundrum.
  3. Can’t I just let my writing speak for itself? … It would seem not. And as an anxiety ridden introverted creative, this comes with a plethora of issues. The market is filled with books, and authors. (Thankfully – I’m a very appreciative reader). To get out there you must seek out a readership, cultivate reader/writer relationships with strangers and be seen. And try your best not to fan girl when one of your favourite authors starts following your friend, or comments/replies on one of your interactions. I epically fail, often, at this last one.
  4. Learning to pivot (from my previous post) is a skill I am continually trying to rework my brain to accept. It’s not easy, but it’s not beat me yet. When something unexpected happens (and it will, that is life and the nature of the writing career), it takes me a bit longer than other people I know to process and move on, to pivot and side step around the problem and move forward. Recently, when a huge unexpected step back happened (the need to pull/change the publication of my first Novella) every bad thought raced through my mind. Will anyone else pick it up? Will I be seen as a flaky author? Should I divulge more for the reasoning? How do I stray professional and reassure potential readers that this was unexpected and also, for myself, unavoidable? I was very lucky, I have had many friends in the writing world and community reach out and help me find my way through. But it was very draining, and the time I used to recover is not something I always have.

Note: My Novella WILL see the light of day, it is currently with two potential publishers and if it does not suit them for genre/themes/timeframe I will look at getting it out there in other ways. I am in love with this story, and it’s evolution of both story and writing with the help of incredible feedback and editing.

But here is the good news – Being a writer (actually doing the writing) is such a brilliant career for an introvert:

  1. Alone time. Writing is a solitary activity. The main part of being a writer, is writing … shocking I know. Oh, I know all too well it’s not always easy, but being allowed, being expected even, to do it alone is a wonderful freedom. It allows one to create without having your energy drained by the need to socialise as well. I personally thrive on my alone time, and I have it on good authority from many writers I know, that they do as well.
  2. Thinking. Writing is a deeply thoughtful process. Yes, it’s true there are times where it feels like the words are flowing without much conscious thought. Ah, but the subconscious never stops. And introverts are quite well known to be deep thinkers. Here is a study I found about the way introverts and extroverts think. It’s a little heavy and technical in parts, but well worth the read. While I would hazard it is not complete and focuses on old studies, I did come away with this: The researchers believed that this finding showed introverts to be more sensitive to incoming information, and also to expend more mental effort by analyzing those stimuli more deeply and carefully. We also take a while to respond as we thinking a whole train station full of thoughts before we settle on a response.
  3. Being online. This can be a bit of a two sided coin. But in the current state of the world, where more things are turning to online interactions, introverted writers (and introverts as a whole) may find themselves far more visible, without the uncomfortable expectation to appear at conventions and speak on panels, to engage in real time. Not that these things aren’t also happening online, but there is more flexibility to be present without being as drained. For me, this is a win most of the time. Yes, a social activity online can leave me drained, but I’m already home, I’m already comfortable and, I’m still allowing readers to get to know me. An added bonus of the rising need of online presence is suddenly I’m not limited to the readership of my fellow Aussies. Don’t get me wrong, I love being an Australian, and much of my writing is set and influenced by this country and my experiences in it. However, I have had one on one conversations with authors who had previously seemed in a completely different universe, not just in a country far far away.
  4. People Watching. All those times I sit back and observe the crowd, I am observing more than just the people’s words and body language, I am observing the sounds and smells that envelope us, the way the light lays around, the sway in the nearby trees. All this observing helps to create richer worlds and writing. At least, I feel it does, I mean it must, mustn’t it?

If you are an introverted author, and struggle with any of the above, just know you are not alone.

Be Safe
Be Kind
Be Brave

Posted in Writing Adventures

Pivoting, Saying No, and knowing that’s OK

Pivoting … I had never heard it in relation to writing until quite recently. A lot of writers and podcasts I listen to, The Creative Penn, Lesbians Who Write, and Writing excuses are the top three, often discuss this need to be able to pivot.

Recently a lot has been happening. A lot of changes, both good and bad, and a lot of things moving forward in my writing Career. I’m sitting here smiling with a happy shiver just thinking that. My Writing Career. It’s exciting, and thrilling. It’s a surreal feeling but I know that I really am on the path I want to be on. So, why am I also feeling that heat in my chest, that first sign of my anxiety sneaking over that wall, with a too happy and cheeky smile?

Am I ungrateful for wanting to stop the runaway train? Am I not cut out for the long road? No.

It’s quite a normal response, so I’m told. And the more I examine my own thoughts and reasonings the more I know that no, I am extremely grateful and I am always learning and still have that yearning to keep going, in my own time and pace. I am cut out for the long road, because I say so, and I am doing so with my actions.

What I’m learning is how to prioritise, breathe, and discover the benefits of that pesky little virtue called patience. I know I am feeling overwhelmed, I am beginning to recognise the early signs and not wait until I have a melt down. It’s still a juggling act, balancing pushing myself out of my comfort zones, while also making sure that everything is doable.

For me, the long road means I don’t need to do everything all at once. I can slow down on anything moving too fast, I can put things on hold, and when opportunities arise, I don’t have to always or automatically say yes. No has a power all of it’s own. And while I remember feeling that sense of fear, that if I said no, that would be it. No more chances or opportunities. It’s not true.

If you are having doubts, feeling rushed, pushed, or on a runaway freight train it is OK to stop. It is ok to take a step back, and there is a great power in learning to pivot. If you are gnawing on your fingernails, worried about having to say yes to every opportunity remember, not all opportunities are the right thing for every person. Give yourself the permission to run your own path, and go at your own pace.

That’s my work in progress on myself.

Be Safe
Be Kind
Be Brave

Posted in Book Club, Book Review, Reading Adventures

January Reviews

A huge post here. January has been a big reading month. Which is a great start for the reading challenges I’ve given myself this year. Fair warning, there are some spoilers in some of the reviews, so *SOME SMALL SPOILERS BELOW*

The Queen’s Blade by Natasja Rose – An assassin, a poisoner, a Queen, her inner circle of hand maidens, demi-gods, and a constant presence of those wanting the Queen off of her throne. What more can one ask for? Oh, also a great many Women loving Women characters which always makes this little reader very happy.
I finished The Queen’s Blade with a desire for more. Rose’s mastery of setting up the oomph impact of the ending was brilliant and the vulnerability she explores not just in her main characters, Sayfiya and Alexandra, but in many minor characters is beautifully human. I would love to see stories of the minor characters lives.
A good read, with some beautiful prose. My favourite part of this book is how Rose sets up power and rips it away with heartbreaking strength. I also enjoyed the unexpected humour that rose it’s head a few times throughout.
‘If she has nothing else, she has the audacity.’
There were a few large chunks of telling that made me beg for just a little more showing, or at least broken up between action a bit more. At times there were A LOT of characters and I struggled to keep up with who everyone was but this tends to be a struggle for this reader when it comes to fantasy.
The Queen’s Blade is a short easy read that taps into the emotions of those who love but are often limited.
‘Her voice was calm, in the way of the still air that came before a hurricane.’
(Note: I did a video chat with Natasja Rose on the facebook Les Fiction Book Club page, and will be up soon on my YouTube channel.)

The Funeral Birds by Paula R.C. Readman – I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started this read. The murder! Mystery! Mayhem! gave me a very different idea of what this would be. But after the first few pages the humour and tone of the book became obvious. The relationship with the main character and his wife is great. The dialogue is realistic and the dynamics quite cute. The description is spotted throughout the book and seems to reflect the main characters personality, which is a huge tick for me as the book is written in first person. I loved the humour and there was a bit of a Pratchett feel, whether it was an intentional hat tilt or not, I really enjoyed that element.
I kept waiting for a bigger reveal, a twist, or a bigger complication to the story line but there just really wasn’t one. I knew how it would end beforehand, the red herrings not entirely convincing for me.
It’s a quick easy read, that is enjoyable and fun. While there was no big twist, the pace was perfect.

Hotel Queens by Lee Winter – An ice Queen and a Fire Queen with Lee Winter’s brilliant style and in-need-of-a-cold-shower sex scenes, Hotel Queens more than delivered.
The humour and sarcasm, the layers to characters, the effects of caustic family, the emotive language that makes you gasp or laugh or cringe (sometimes all within seconds of each other) are just the tip of the iceberg (pun intended) on the brilliance of Hotel Queens.
Secondary characters Quinn and Millie are truly fantastic, sometimes a little too perfect at being the main characters right hands? Or perhaps I’m just dying to see more of them as the main characters, and find the nitty gritty behind their awesomeness.
As in true Lee Winter fashion I found myself laughing out loud, both in humour and a little facepalming at times.
Some of my favourite lines (it was hard to cut it down from the thirty I highlighted during reading).
* Kai wasn’t called The Closer because she sold zippers.
* Milly didn’t say a word. But the “we’re screwed” was loud and clear.
* Finally Quinn cleared her throat and said. “I’ll leave you two to your eye-sex. I’m going to find Milly.”

(Note: This was the second book for the Les Fiction Book Club January. I got to chat with Lee Winter and ask questions about this book and her writing. She’s a fantastic author well worth look up)

Whispers in the Dark by K. B. Elijah – A brilliant short read that had my internal (and sometimes external) dialogue ranting and trying to keep up.

Half way through … and the commentary didn’t end.

I adore the writing of Whispers in the Dark. The dialogue is smooth and natural and the description is often beautiful even in it’s horrific subject matter.
* No spark meant no extinguishment. No hope meant no disappointment.
* defanging the vicious bite of time.
* It was curious that the complete absence of light invented its own vision.

Speaking Out: A 21st Century Handbook for Women and girls by Tara Moss – My first ever Audio Book and I’m hooked. Tara Moss eloquently discusses cultural and systemic silencing of women and how that is not only in our past but continues to happen today. She gives some incredible and practical advise at how to combat the pressure females still received to shhhh and remain silent. She has used her own voice in calm and intelligent ways, with facts and research to back up her words. With her own experience mixed in with others (who have given her permission to disclose) she helps connect to readers and help them understand, they are not alone. Tara Moss does this without sugar coating the backlash we all might face should we choose to speak out.

Stone Cold Bastards by Jake Bible – I have such a love for Gargoyles. I have been obsessed with them since I was a child so my own experience in reading Stone Cold Bastards might be slightly biased. That being said, this is an incredibly well written story, the world building is phenomenal and the characters are brilliant. It has such a large cast of characters, and yet Jake Bible manages to make them all wonderfully unique enough that I never found myself asking who was who. The description of this apocalyptic second world is breath taking at times. The humour and sarcasm he uses is totally my jam, from the nasty demons to the gargoyle fairies with the sailor mouths.

A Woman Lost by T.B. Markinson – Oh my hell. The urge to smack Lizzie is so strong in this novel, while also giving her a cuddle and hair tussle at the same time. She seems so oblivious to just about everything around her, and yet I am eager to read more of her misadventures in the future. T.B. Markinson is really good at writing characters that make me shake my head at their actions, and yet I love them for their lack of perfection and crazy troubles they usually put themselves in to. I think it captures perfectly, human beings nature to self-sabotage. The writing is wonderful and by the end I really did like Lizzie, no longer in spite of her self centered views but with an understanding of this being the beginning of her growing up. From her bizarre and dysfunctional friendship with Ethan, to her inability to see anything but perfection as worth it, to her family, oh her family …
* Ethan giggled as he stirred his coffee. “Talking to you about your family always makes me feel better about my own messed-up family.”
* How was that possible? How could two people do something together and have two completely different experiences?
* Maddie’s face paled and my stomach flipped. Enter The Scotch-Lady.
* I had a hairline fracture. Not even a real break—a wimpy hairline fracture. Just like my wimpy illness.

A Heart this Big by Cheyenne Blue – I laughed so much during this book. A lot of my chuckles came from Nina’s internal dialogue and humour, as she runs Banksia farm. And then, wow we get Leigh Willoughby … the powerhouse lawyer. I am a complete sucker for a good slow burn, and this was brilliant. The interactions are sweet and often amusing … there is a lot of chicken shit involved, and the reasons they can’t be together right away make sense. While there were times it was frustrating, there was always a small glimmer of hope and light at the end of the tunnel which avoided the doom and gloom so many slow burns revel in too long for my liking. I also loved the way everyday things were beautiful and interesting in the way they were written. I wrote an entire blog about my love for this book. The story line was great, and the writing spot on. But what sold me was the landscape and the love of Australia that seeps through every page and wedges itself firmly in my heart. I can’t wait to read more of Cheyenne Blue’s books.

The Love Factor by Quinn Ivins – OH WOW! There is so much about this book I want to go on a raving spree about. I found myself smiling in a whirl of nostalgia while giggling at the late nineties and all that entails. I also found the pressure sit on my chest and make it hard to breath as the characters own trials were so relatable. I remember battling my own sexuality and place in the world at the same time as the characters (slightly different age). The writing is brilliant and the characters are entirely delightful. Molly’s enthusiasm is adorable. She’s a bouncy, energetic, and passionate person who finds common ground with the ice queen herself. Oh, how I crushed on so many lecturers at uni who were so similar to the powerful Carmen. The biggest shock was realising just how long ago 1997 was … surely I’m not really THAT old?!. Brilliant debut novel from Quinn Ivins. I can’t wait to see more of her work.

Winter’s Vindication (An Anthology edited by Abigail Linhardt) – Overall this anthology was good to read, not the best I’ve read but a long way from the worst. Here is my breakdown of the 9 stories:
The Silent Tower by Abigail Linhardt – 3.5 Stars – A good story, with some lovely writing. The pace was great, the tension built beautifully. There were a few points where I was confused about who was speaking, but for me I felt like the end didn’t quite tie everything up as well as I would have liked. Still an enjoyable story to read.
For I Hear you Calling by C. Murray Hultman – 3 Stars – This story was my least favourite in the collection. The writing was quite beautiful at times, but I felt as though the story itself was more a chapter instead of a short story that stood on it’s own. I got frustrated very quickly with the main character ‘talking to her son’.
For Humanity by Christine Watts – 4.5 stars – A great piece, beautiful in story, pace, language use, and character. I was swept up in Lynne’s plight and could not devour it fast enough.
The Snow Warrior by Erin Fanning – 4.5 Stars – Such a brilliant spine chilling story. I had goosebumps over my flesh, and absolutely adored the authors way of describing the snowman.
Iced by Thaddeus Rutkowski – 3.5 stars – There was nothing wrong with the writing as such, but it read more like a series of journal entries. It felt like nothing ended up happening and while it reminded me a little of 19th literature, I didn’t expect to find a piece like this in this anthology.
The Warden’s Game by John M. Floyd – 5 Stars – Brilliant. Everything about this was great. The writing, the characters, the story. Everything pulled me toward the end, which was wonderfully satisfying.
The Saviors by David Green – 5 Stars – Another truly brilliant piece of writing. Right from the very first paragraph I wanted to know what was going on. Everything is done with skilled purpose and the pace is entirely spot on. A brilliant futuristic piece with gasps of shock to add to the fun. The descriptions are so perfect for the barren landscape.
Freezings Greetings by Derek Power – 5 Stars – This is the most fun and quirky piece. I laughed out loud many times reading this story. I enjoyed the descriptions and Filthy Henry is a fantastic character. I’d love to see more of his adventures in this world that the author has created so brilliantly.
Fractured Thinking by Louise Pierce – 3.5 stars – An interesting piece of writing. I wanted to know more though, as though this were merely a preview or trailer to the real story itself. A few questions unanswered and at times unsure who was actually speaking.

Mount Terror by E.L Giles – A brilliant short read to end out the month. Set in the mid 1930’s, Henry Chapelton embarks on a mission to rescue Captain Ernst Land after hearing the man’s last distressed communication.
This story is beautifully written and the pace gets your heart racing right along side Henry’s. Several descriptions made me shiver alongside the characters and reading this was, to use Giles’ word from this book, an ‘orgy of madness.’
* It’s strange that sometimes only the most awful and gruesome things have the power to ignite out motivation and push us to work our hardest.

11 books done – 5 that can go toward Jae’s Sapphic reading challenge .. not too shabby 🙂

Be Safe
Be Brave
Be Kind

Posted in Life Adventures

Vale Aiki

Last night an incredible woman won her last battle against pain and the mortal realm. My dear friend and mentor, Aiki Flinthart flew to Valhalla for a beer and a song.

I met Aiki three years ago when I showed up to my local writing group with no idea what the next three years would look like. With her friendship, guidance, encouragement, and overall belief in me, I find myself doing things I thought only others did. Braver, smarter, more incredible people. She would scoff to read that, I can almost see her shaking her head and telling me emphatically that I am these things, that I can be braver. And I have been so much braver.

I feel extremely lucky, and incredibly honored to have gotten to know this incredible writer and woman. As a writer, Aiki was phenomenal. As a human being, she was so much more.

No words seem to be able to portray just how much I adored her, and how much light she cast, but in her honor I will write, I will be brave, and I will continue to do the things she always believed I could.

My heart goes out to her beautiful husband, who opened his arms to me, and her amazing son, who I can’t even imagine his pain.

Vale Aiki, your light will be missed. Save me a seat in Valhalla.

Be Safe
Be Brave
Be Kind