Yes, my day … and night … and half of the next day. A total of just over 20 hours.

I went to the ER after talking to my doctor about the intense pain that had gotten worse over the week. Worse to the point of not being able to eat, bend, or pee without pain.

It took 11.5 hours in the ER waiting room before I was put into a cubicle with a bed. I felt for the nurses. There were a LOT of people around and the wait wasn’t all bad, I got to meet some lovely new humans who helped pass the time with entertaining stories and kindness.

The shift change for the hospital staff happened and the nurse and doctor I got were lovely and thoughtful. They listened to my concerns and helped with patience, kindness and respect.

Eventually I was moved to a short stay cubicle and they discovered I had a UTI (Urinary Track Infection) which had been exacerbated by the current complications of my uterus and ovaries. The joy just keeps on coming.

So I got hooked up with painkillers and antibiotics and finally I managed more than a three minute head drop and jerk from sleep moment. I think I got almost the entire half an hour of the drip antibiotics.

Things were ok.

I must have fallen asleep again while the antibiotics kicked in because I woke to a different Doctor introducing himself as the surgeon who had gotten the referral for my surgery.

THEN things went down hill fast.

He began talking AT me about my body and my pain levels. Patronised the shit out of me by not going on the pill (oh well done) to help with the period and the pain, and this was apparently evidence that the pain I experience with my endometriosis mustn’t be that bad. There couldn’t possibly be any other reason I didn’t wish to go on the pill (GRRRRR).

He then continues, before I can actually explain the experience that I go through at a near 24/7 these days, and tells me he does NOT recommend the surgery (despite the UNKNOWN grey mass taken over my ovary) and suggests I get a Marina put in. I’ve looked up the Marina, they are NOT for me. I told him so. His response was to say that he can help me understand why the Marina is what I need to do. I told him no, and I want the hysterectomy. He went on to say how he didn’t want to regret his choice …. HIS CHOICE.

NO!

Me: In the end it’s my body and I don’t consent to the Marina.
Him: Well I just wanted to introduce myself and we will discuss the rest when you come in for the appointment.

Me: THE HELL WE WILL!!! (I wish I had said this out loud)

After 20 hours of being in agony and in the hospital. Being poked and prodded he had the nerve to come and medically gaslight me and tell me HIS CHOICE is more valid over MY body then my own, and my pain is irrelevant.

This attitude is unfortunately NOT unique or rare. I will be fighting this and I WILL be getting the recommendation from my doctor followed through and ensure my health and safety as I had discussed and agreed on with her.

We should all have a right to say no when we do not agree to another persons ideas about what we do with our own bodies, despite what is happening in far too many places with legislation and misogynistic control.

If you are worried that you couldn’t possibly know as much about your body as them (let’s be honest it’s how we’ve been raised to think), let me tell you a little secret I recently learned. A secret that’s not really a secret, just not often mentioned in the light of day. Even a specialist in an area of medicine has not lived in your body. This same specialist has not spent their entire education learning about YOUR body, or even what medical issues you may have.

I also want to give out the biggest KUDOS to my GP doctor who has always listened to me and given me all the options, the pros and cons, and understood that it is my choice about what does and does not happen. She does not give me permission to make my own choices, she gives me knowledge to make informed choices that should be every single human beings right to make about their own body.

I hope you all are in a safe enough place to say no when ‘professionals’ are trying to medically gaslight you.

Be Safe
Be Brave
Be Kind

Neen x

P.S. At least I found a model to base the bad guy on in my sci-fi … I suspect a really nasty slow evisceration might end up being their doom.