If you know the song, enjoy the ear worm. You’re welcome
Alright, I have never been the biggest fan of changes, but I’m also becoming far more aware of how stretched I’ve become.
I’ve never felt so akin to Bilbo Baggins before
Because of this I’ve decided to take my little life observation rants and updates over to my Patreon site.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, but no I will not be charging for these said rants. There is a free tier over on Patreon and these will be where all such posts will be getting loaded to.
Yes, you need to become a member and sign up. But you do not have to become one of my mythical beasties.
Of course, you are always welcome to become one of my mythical beasties, but I’d love for you to pop on over and have a look. If you do enjoy my occasional life ranty moments, be sure to become a member (free or otherwise) so you don’t miss out on the next life observation from my P.O.V 😀
And by hot I mean Australian summer is destroying my will to move, function, or brain.
But, as the year draws to a close the inevitable look back begins.
This year has easily been the biggest roller coaster ride I’ve ever been on.
There have been amazingly epic and wonderful highs. My partner is happier than ever before and our family continues to thrive as we all grow and learn to embrace change and pivot when needed.
And my oh my has the pivoting been needed.
My health has been one of the biggest lows of this year.
PIVOT
For so long I have learned to detach from my body, for so many reasons. One of which has always been the criticism I have experienced if I ever complained about pain. Of course it doesn’t help when your name rhymes with Queen and people like to add the drama at the front of it. So, I learned to mask pain.
Speaking of which … did you know females with ADHD and ASD are professionals at masking. No? Me neither, until now!
PIVOT!
And, back to the health … reading became harder to achieve and I had to learn to forgive myself for not reading as much as I thought I would.
PIVOT!
Work has been amazing with all my health stuff but being casual and ill a lot, means budgets had to be shifted around, a LOT.
PIVOT!
Oh but the writing … oh the writing was going smashingly … until my laptop broke in the middle of NaNoWriMo! So my plans and schedule for publishing and writing in the New Year would have to look very different.
PIVOT!
Just before Christmas, a true miracle occurred.
The warranty I had for my laptop was honoured and I now have a brand spanking new replacement laptop to begin the New Year!!!
Woot Woot!
So back to the original publishing and writing plan.
Did I mention PIVOT?
Okay I’ll stop yelling pivot, but it’s amazing how I’ve heard this term in writing circles for years and thought I understood it.
I knew nothing!
Of course this truly is just the highlight reel and there have been so many more amazing things. Friendships strengthened, reconnected, and new ones formed are just the beginning of the things I am most grateful for this year!
I really hope your 2023 looked more up than down and here’s to hoping we all get a better outcome in 2024.
I could list them all out with the ticking off of fingers, and to be fair that’s not a bad way to sum things up (see ticking list below)
Birthday
Book Release of The Void
Solo Writing Retreat
Booked a booth for Brisbane Pride Day 2023 (September 23rd come on down)
Launched my Patreon page
Got my online shop up and running.
Phew! *wipes brow*. I’m exhausted just reading this list.
But what I also wanted to share was some of the moments that made the exhaustion and pain fade just a little bit. The feedback I’ve had from The Void so far has made me feel like I’m living in the best dream I’ve ever had in my life *pinches self again*. Nope, definitely awake. It’s encouraged me and helped boost me into working on my next projects, including the admin side of things as above.
I’ve also felt incredibly loved and that goes a long way for just about everything.
I’ve also read a phenomenal 10 books this month (thank you retreat) and only one of those was a relisten/reread which of course was Lee Winter’s Shattered because it had been months since I read it last.
I’m super excited about the next few months with potential success in better pain management which infinitely helps every single aspect of my life.
The current projects I’m working on are super exciting, both solo projects and the co-write series I’m doing with Adrian J Smith, the first book due for release in January.
So all up, it’s been one hell of a month and now I might curl up in the sun and refuse to talk for at least a few days.
I’ve got a dream, I just wanna see the floating lanterns gleam!!!
If you’re a mum, around kids, or just love animated kids movies (no judgement, I’ve owned most of our collection before becoming a mum) you might know my random introduction is from the Disney movie, Tangled.
We’ve watched it quite a bit lately, and by we I mean I put it on and kiddo rolls his eyes and says ‘fine’ but then finds a saucepan and acts out the moves. (honestly, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you should check it out.)
Anyway, the point, it is coming up. Oh yes.
Today kiddo asked me if I had a dream.
In the past this kind of question would result in me umming and ahhhing, a whole bunch of blinking and if it’s a good day some incoherent words that sounded very high brow (read-wanky) but in essence mean little.
But I didn’t even hesitate. I know my dream. To one day be a full time writer. To not need another job to supplement the income.
It felt good. And it felt better knowing it is a realistic goal that I am slowly but surely working on.
I wanted to share how this made me feel. How this reminded me to focus on the bigger picture. And even though the amazon thing that’s been happening with my next book baby (oh long story, which is not fun to retell), I’m not here for just one or two books. I have so many more stories to tell, and so much more to learn and grow into. I’m here for the long game, and I’m in the actual game, not sitting on the sidelines waiting to be subbed in. (wow, is that a sport reference? Wonder where I picked that up from … must have been a movie).
So, I have a dream and I’m not scared to tell the whole world about it.
If you have a dream, and you are hiding it, that’s ok. But I hope one day you are in a position where you are supported and loved enough (by yourself if not by others) to shout out and reach for that dream.
October was a much more successful reading AND writing month and this makes me happy to no end.
Eight books, 4 Speculative Fiction, 5 Sapphic – altogether not too shabby. As for writing I got the prep sorted out for NaNoWriMo and I am raring to go.
So here’s my wap up of book reviews for October
Purposefully Accidental by G Benson: For such a big book, and Purposefully Accidental is a lot of words, I flew through this book easily devouring and loving the adventures of Wren and Madison. Not only does it have some of my favourite tropes (enemies to lovers and fake relationship), G Benson has created complete worlds for both characters, populated with the most fantastic friends and hateable ‘bad guys’. I laughed so much throughout this book. From Hathor and her complete felineness, to 9-year-old gay panic, to best friends who call characters out on their shit and half hearted denial. But then, THEN my heart spiderwebbed with fractals of pain and grief. Because there is a lot of grief that has been done so genuinely and delicately without taking away any of the wonderful humour and sexiness of this book. Because yes, there is a whole lot of sexy tension and moments. I want to say more, so much more but mostly I don’t want to spoil this amazing book and stop the world from reading it, because the world really should. But, if you need more info then here’s a list of a few more things that have stuck with me and even now make me giggle * Putting misogynist, bigots, and homophobes in their place * A charming and down to earth celeb * A car bonnet … oh yes, a car bonnet!!!!! * A hilarious coming out * Wonderful and amazing neurodiverse representation * FANFIC!
Crush by S R Silcox: I love everything about this book. The writing, the characters and, for me the familiar landscape and world. Tess is a country girl who goes to her Pop and Nan’s farm to help prep for the Crush festival instead of going to schoolies. Maddie is visiting in a desperate need to escape the pressures of a life she hasn’t enjoyed for far too long. The two meet, hit it off, and then both of their worlds shift. Brilliant banter, and friendships, as well as wonderful family dynamics. I loved it!
For The Long Run by Cheyenne Blue: This book has everything you could want. Elite athletes, a runner in a koala suit, unexpected housemates, presto puppy, hot hot hot hot hot scenes, beautiful writing and description, hot sex scenes, heart squeezing moments, laugh out loud times, the beauty of gay Melbourne Australia, oh and did I mention this book is HOT?! I really enjoyed this book. The characters were amazingly real and dynamic and the entire romance developed in such real and natural ways, with the struggles and the surprises, and how both characters found ways to give the best they could to their life and their relationship without being swallowed by it whole. I want to cuddle this book for giving me all the feels.
The Seasonals by Pamela Jeffs: You can’t go past Pamela Jeffs for atmospheric writing and beauty and The Seasonsals is no except. A collection of 4 short stories all tied together spanning 10000 years. Creatures from another world, the cursed, and the forgetful all coming together to keep our world from being eaten. Heartbreak and beauty go hand in hand with dynamic characters and incredible world building and description.
Just My Type by Lucy Bexley and Bryce Oakley: This was a fun lighthearted vampire romance. And I mean really what could wrong with a vampire and a hematoligist. They are perfectly matched to each other, Annie with her excitable humanity and sciencey stuff and Ero with zero pop culture knowledge, or general human living awareness at all, and a love for her inherent nature. The puns and references throughout the entire book kept me giggling. It was easy to read and the pages seemed to fly past. I enjoyed many of the descriptions and felt entirely called out by Annie’s immediate acceptance, only to be stunned later when she begins to really think about the consequences. Whoops. I love June and Nines and Ero’s adorable awkwardness. Oh …. And damn, sizzling!
Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir: Oh my fucking god. Tamsyn Muir does it again. I spent time simultaneously wondering wtf was happening while being entirely captivated by the writing, world building and characterisations. I love Moira Quirk and her ability to truly envelope you in the experience and world with her narrating mastery. As usual Muir had me laughing along with lines such as: – who is this literal god damn infant? Can someone give her like a rusk or something and shut her up? – no baby cakes, I didn’t fool you. – I thought I told you to shut your stolen god damned mouth And then simple lines and concepts that stay with you: – That middle of the brain thought I adore this series and cannot wait for the next instalment
Fire Witch by Rachael Boucker This is a brilliant novellette night order series prequel. love the world building, the magic system, and Boucker’s way with words. A mix of laugh out loud moments with turn my head away from the gruesome descriptions.
A Whisper of Solace by Milena McKay Wow. This was an epic read and I understand why people have been talking so much about it. I loved the relationship between the MC and the therapist, the self-referential jokes and outright conversations about tropes. Neve is a masterpiece of a complicated and contradictory human being. I struggled at the start with Neve’s ‘wallowing’ and hyper focus on her not-a-relationship with Audrey but am so glad I pushed through because once she moved through to allowing herself to also focus on her life and work again, wow I could not stop reading. Or listening, because Abby Crayden’s narration is a divine piece of art. My only other struggle was not understanding what was so amazing about Audrey that everyone gravitated toward her and loved her … and THEN, the self-referential moments where Audrey brings this to light. At least, that’s how it felt to me and damn was I all here for it. I laughed out loud many times and found myself smiling that omg this is brilliant icyness without even realising it. Among the joy were also the most heartbreaking of moments. Milena’s writing is delicious and provocative. And the sizzle, oh sizzle beyond sizzle.
Last night I did a thing. Often I have ideas and then quickly talk myself out of them, especially if it’s a thing that I shy away from … especially praising myself in any way. *Gotta love that shitty self-esteem stuff* … BUT as my 40th birthday approaches and the last few years have seen many major things (both good and heartbreaking) happening in my life, I’ve really started to understand how short and special life itself is.
And, sometimes I even catch myself thinking how proud I am of how far I’ve come and wow, I might actually be good at something.
So the thing I did was set up a buymeacoffee page to help fund the time, equipment and books I review and fangirl about over on my YouTube channel Hyperactive Bookworm.
I did the technological thing, all by myself … *pats back enthusiastically* .. but then didn’t know how to test if it was all working.
A wonderful friend helped me test it. I agreed she was free to share the link if she wanted. I didn’t expect the huge words of praise for myself but it has certainly made my day … and made me brave enough to share it here.
If you are interested in helping me, I’d appreciate it, but there is no pressure. I love what I do and will endeavour to keep doing it
A disturbingly close approximation to my look on video today.
Today I spoke up, and said why yes I am an author. I even joined in, video and audio, *insert shocked horror face here* to an author chat and said hello. Did I feel like an entire pretender (Ooh ooh yes I’m the great pretender ooh ooh) Of course. Was I nervous and unprepared, oh hell yes. Did that make it easier, actually yeah it really did. My bravery (I’m still uncertain it’s actually the correct word, but we’ll work on that one) is an in the moment thing. Don’t give me enough time to worry about how much of an idiot I will most likely make of myself (thanks anxiety), that’s for ruminating on later. But, I did it.
And the bravery didn’t stop there. *shocked face once more*
Today I met up with an amazing reader, and even signed the books she bought with my fountain pen, with a confidence and a flourish that was all faked. But I admit, it did feel good. Did I take the ‘author in the wild’ photo I was planning/hoping to? Of course not. It’s easier for me to remember to take photo’s when I’m not the subject matter.
BUT … I was still brave today. And while I’m now socially drained, it was a good day.
Celebrating the small things is something I always preach. When those around me achieve any measure of success in any area of their lives I am the first to throw those pom pom’s in the air. For myself, I’m less enthusiastic and I’m working on that, reminding myself I deserve the same excitement as others.
So, as a reminder to you all, if you aren’t celebrating your own achievements, no matter how big or small, now is the time 😀
I may have mentioned this before. I tend to follow the shiny bouncy ball of life, but only once it’s smacked me in the face a few times. My stubbornness gets in my way, and even when it’s a decision I already teetered on the edge of, I demand the push before I fall up.
Only three days into the new year and I’ve been smacked left right and up the back of the head. Poetry and feelings. Two things I have love/hate and decidedly complicated relationships with.
I used to cry a lot. But after years of being told to suck it up, years of learning to school the icy shards of emotions from my face and reactions. And while the tears have been easy to tame, I have never stopped apologising for my excitement over what others deem insignificant. I still get ‘overly’ enthusiastic about the things I love, only to ruminate about them later and worry I expresses TOO much emotion. But when it comes to crying, I don’t. Or at least I hadn’t for a very long time. Not only had I come to think of tears as distasteful in myself (I love people who can cry) but almost impossible to reach.
Enter last year and my introduction to some of the most amazing authors and human beings I have ever been lucky enough to know. The LGBTQIA writing community I have found have been ridiculously supportive and boosting.
Last year, 5 books made me cry. I almost fell over the first time it happened. I remember it clearly. I was stirring a pot of pasta, ensuring it didn’t stick to the bottom of the pot, I’m not a terribly good or attentive kitchen person. But I was reading, holding the book in one hand while the other hand half mindedly stirred the pasta and water. I didn’t realise I was crying. I was reading and my chest grew hot and tight. Being constricted as though wrapped up by a boa. My cheek tickled. My brows furrowed and I lifted the hand stirring up to my cheeks. Before I could really take in the tears I yelped as hot water splashed on me and my book. Saving me from investigating the phenomenon. 4 more times it happened. And by the end of the year I felt a fear and an excitement over being able to. More than that, I felt indebted to these amazing authors who plucked at the chains wrapped around my emotions and let them be expressed.
Three days into the new year and the first book I’ve read has made me cry. The second book is a poetry book and I’ve felt winded as it talked about societies pressure to not feel. To not admit we are human with all the ranges of emotions. Bring on my burgeoning relationship with poetry.
As if these weren’t enough, just this morning I had a conversation with a fellow author whom I am beta reading for, below is what happened when she asked me for some specific details and feedback for the book.
My first reaction was horror. How can I be associated with sobbing? But that lasted a mere micro second because now I can’t take the smile off my face.
So here is to a new year of poetry and feelings. A year of rating books on the NINSAABO scale.
Here’s to not apologising for my emotions, the sadness, the fullness, the fear, and the excitement.
I had two conversations this week that really effected me, and I wanted to note them down. Neither topic is new for me, neither conversation lit a lightbulb but both made a big impact on this-week-Neen.
The first conversation gave me warm fuzzy feelings. It was online, with a fellow author. I won’t go verbatim but in the end I felt so seen and acknowledged. I write sapphic fiction, but not sapphic romance. One day I might but this presumption that sapphic (or lesbian) fiction is assumed to be romance is so prevalent and can be really frustrating and disheartening. Especially for an author starting out. Having a fellow author agree that it shouldn’t automatically be assumed as romance made me so happy. Perhaps with more voices I won’t always have to feel insignificant and irrelevant and often unable to promote my writing.
The second conversation happened this morning. My health has been semi-craptacular of late so off I went to get several vials of blood taken. The pathologist was so lovely and managed to get my introverted self happily talking. She asked what I do, as verbatim as I can remember: *clears throat* Me: I’m a writer, that’s what I go gooey about Pathologist: oh what do you write? M: horror and dark fantasy *insert wide eyes and slightly opened mouth* P: you don’t look like you write dark things, you’re so happy. M: and that’s how I stay happy, putting all the darkness into the words. P: That makes sense. I love that. Stay lovely and happy.
Since then I’ve wondered, what does a horror writer look like? What does any writer look like? Was she shocked I was a writer or the genre which I write? What does each specific genre author look like? I don’t have the answers, but I feel like a meme might be in my future.
Neen Cohen 